This is not a joke. I found it saved as a draft in my blog archive....and can't for the life of me figure out why I didn't publish it!
Family of six huddled around the breakfast table enjoying their pancakes.
EmJ: (puts her littlest pet shop in the butter dish and covers)
Mom: This is the last time I'm going to ask you to get the toys off the table.
EmJ: But that's where she lives!!
Dad: He lives in the butter?
EmJ: It's not a HE it's a SHE?
Mom: (to Sam) Sheeee is going to get butter all over her, then get tossed under your sister's pillow, then get moldy and attract bugs. EmJ is going to sleep with bugs tonight.
Joshua: Sugar bugs live in your teeth and poop in your mouth and give you cavities.
Benjamin: It's not working!!
EmJ: Sugar bugs are not real.
Benjamin: It's not Working!!
Dad: Give me the pet shop so I can cut off his head.
EmJ: It's a SHE! Her name is....sn...fl...sw...snowball!
Benjamin: IT'S NOT WORKING!!!
Dad: WHAT'S NOT WORKING!!!
Benjamin: My fork.
Mom: You can use your hands, Gus.
Sam: Uh-oh! (tosses empty plate on the ground) Uh-oh! (smiles proudly and reaches for the butter)
Joshua: Catch! (throws a football to Dad)
Dad: See this? (holds up hand with one finger "missing") This is what Grandpa did to me when I didn't eat all my breakfast.
EmJ: You always say that.
Joshua: (holds up a hand with three "missing" fingers) This is what happens when you put pet shops in butter.
Dad: Put your hand over here and I'll show you what happens when you throw footballs at the table.
Benjamin: (covers his pecs with his hands) Not me!
Mom: These mashed potatoes are so creamy.