Monday, March 11, 2013

Conversations with Sam

My daily interactions with Samantha are both infuriating and hilarious.  Today she sat down at the table next to me in order to work on a math worksheet.

She only had to complete 8 problems.

She started by pointing out that the last time she started working on this particular worksheet, her friend Michael had given her the first two answers.

"But I wrote the numbers myself."

Then she practiced skipping around the table.  This took at least 10 minutes.  Every time I asked her to get in her seat she laughed at me.

"Sam, sit down and finish and then you can play for the whole morning!"
"But, mo-om, I have to help Reillee get on the computer."

Sigh, fine.  She helped Reillee find the right "mumbers" to log on and start playing Plants vs. Zombies, but quickly had to be reminded that she wasn't allowed to play until her work was done.

Back at her seat she completes exactly one problem.  At the second problem she balks.

"I don't know how to do this."
"Yes you do, just draw 2 circles and then 8 circles and then count how many you have altogether."
"Oh, right."
"Sweetie, your circles don't have to take up the whole page, just draw them small by the number."
"They are not circles, they are walmuts."

I can't remember what happened next, except that it ended with Kayde getting oatmeal all through Sam's hair.  My subconcious blocking-out mechanism is a well-oiled machine.

"Sam!  Sit down and do the next problem."
"They are called problems because they have the wrong answers."
"No, they are called problems because they need to be solved.  Problems are things that you need to find solutions to.  There aren't any answers yet, that's why they are problems."
"No-o, problems are when you have to find the right answer."
"Okay, just do the next questions."
"I can't find my pen."

And so it goes...

At this point, Luke looks over with an amused expression on his face and notes that her Kindergarten teacher isn't going to know what to do with her.
"Alright class, as soon as you finish writing your name 5 times ('cause you know in Kindergarten in Seattle they don't actually have to do any REAL work) then you can go to recess."
To which Sam will reply with a laugh, "Nah," get her coat, and head out the door.
The poor teacher will be left sitting in a pee-wee sized chair, day after day, realizing that she's been duped again.
She'll get very good at pretending that she has complete control.
Or she'll quit teaching.

So Sam FINALLY finishes her 8 problems and learns the difference between 13 and 31 and has beautiful walnuts all over her paper.  She takes a quick look at the next worksheet and says, 
"Whoa, I can't do this one because I don't even know that number."
"What does it look like?"
"A 1 and a 7."
"That's 17."
"Whew, wow, I'm going to HAVE to remember that for Kindergarten."

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